I was thinking back to a time when I would fall over ... sometimes one or two times in a day, sometimes many many more times in a day. It would seem I almost spent more time on my bottom on the ground than I did on my feet. It was a very troubling time indeed and when I think about it, not long enough ago. I have always enjoyed yoga and walking but over these years of not having any physical balance I spent a lot of time pushing and forcing myself to try achieve ... perhaps more than my body was capable of. I mistakenly believed at this time that it was the only way. I mean, every part of my life was a struggle so why wouldn't exercise just be another extension of that? It was almost a catch 22. I did not have the energy to exercise but if I did not exercise then the body would begin to deteriorate and lose muscle tone hence making all day to day activities more difficult.
I think what I was missing in my thought equation was balance. Was that exercise good for me at that point on that day? I would seriously just keep pushing, I mean, why would I think differently at that point? From the moment I woke I would have to mentally push myself to make my body work in any effective manner. There was nothing about any day that was easy ... a good day would be when I suddenly realised I hadn't had any pain for an hour (YES! That's right, it was constant!). But I walked (unless my energy was so low that it was no longer physically possible to do so) and I did yoga. It was challenging with my balance issues but I attempted it for the sake of 'good health'.
What happened here was that due to the 'never give in' attitude and completely negating the fact that my body was screaming at me to stop I was almost forced into a standstill. It is ironic how the Universe conveys it's message to us one way or
another. Despite my backward, upside-down thinking I needed to learn a better way. I needed to moderate and come to a mutual agreement between my mind and my body. A balance where my body was getting enough rest to recoup enough that I could then satisfy my desire to be doing something. It sounds logical but in practice, when you have been running on nothing for so long your recovery time is quite often a lot more significant than what your mind is willing to compromise with hence leaving you feeling very empty.
Fortunately I had met a lady in the August of 2015 and over and over she told me ... be kind to yourself. It sticks with me, it resonates with me to this day. I managed to find compromise through these words and instead of pushing to do so much I started to let go. I would drive to the beach instead of walk and then stroll, or even just sit if I did not have the energy, instead of a brisk walk. I would park where there were no steps or long ramp up the cliff side to avoid over taxing my body. I backed off on the yoga and went back to shorter, more basic routines. Surprisingly, with this 'letting go' and letting my body take more time out I could over time feel my strength returning. Keeping in mind as well that this was the time I had instigated a new eating plan and was receiving the spiritual healing. MIND BODY SOUL. I will keep saying it! It is all about balance across these things and it is the only way to find complete healing.
Fast forward now 17 months and I continue to grow stronger. My mind and my body! By having faith, letting go and believing I am now working with the advanced yoga routines and have recently started jogging. We go out on weekends and will walk for hours on end with no problem. I do not fall over anymore either. I believe with all I am that there is nothing that will stop me from continuing to move forward. I feel like there is something in my thoughts that has switched and my sincere belief in who I now am is a very far cry from who I once was back then.