It is a funny thing really, when you look back over the years and recognize what you remember and what you don't. Sometimes it is the most ridiculous details that for whatever reason seem so pivotal in the years gone by yet the huge events that you would imagine are what shaped your life are just a routine consequence of everything else.
What I am saying I guess is that we make hundreds of tiny little decisions daily. Do we know at the time that one of those is the life changing decision? That one question we asked randomly would then completely lead us through a chain of events that ultimately create a new life path for us. It is remarkable that this happens. It isn't always what we have planned and layed out in our minds eye ... what you could call 'the life plan' that creates our future. Stuff happens, just stuff - I don't think there is a technical term for this. That 'stuff' creates a change of events. Like becoming unwell, I know that was never in my life plan as a kid! Spending over 13 years in a debilitating illness was not even close to my idea of where I was aiming for in life. Funny though because now I can look back and appreciate what I have learnt and know that for whatever reason I am in a better place now.
At the time as I fell into this illness I recall living just for each day, looking ahead was so difficult. There was no energy for anything outside of the here and now in every day. My life was dedicated to my children and finding whatever sense of my existence there was to just try and normalize things for them. There came a point where I even stopped longing for a while. I just existed and floated through each day, I would just keep pushing through trying to find what to appreciate in the moments, for me it was my kids, the way they smiled, watching them at the skate park, taking photos and capturing that moment that will never again be repeated. When I look back on the details, they are what I see. I would wake hoping for the best and battling through the worst. Perhaps it sounds crazy and perhaps on that same note it is something you can only truly relate to if you have been robbed of all good health and there is no other way. I did live it, I did pull through it and I do now appreciate what I learnt and NOT being there anymore. If anything has given me an appreciation for life it is this.
Little did I know at the time, way back then, but that moment of acceptance was what changed everything. That was one of those minuscule decisions that I believe now didn't even happen consciously. Perhaps it is that my mind simply got to a point that it was going to break to have to keep pushing through it. Perhaps it was just that I had dealt with it for so long by then that there was seemingly no other option. To accept that my life was going to be lived like this was sad and not what I wanted but on the flip side, my sanity was far more important to me.
I then, in acceptance, found that something amazing happened. If someone had told me this years before I am positive I could still not have bought about the change any faster. I DID have to endure and 'break' to that point of acceptance so that I could understand, so I could see the lessons I had had to learn. In learning those lessons I suddenly found clarity, a new perception on an age old issue that had been there for too long. I at that point just knew that I needed to completely let go of all that I ever believed I was. It was coming apart, I could not heal and be the same person with the same ideals that I had always had. I literally did a 180 and opened my mind to possibilities that had never even entered my mind before. You hear people talk about this, about that, you hear where people have experienced a 'miracle' and healed completely. Pipe dreams right?
I am the biggest believer now. I aim to be the one who will lead everyone into believing the impossible now. I understand unlimited possibilities, I actually KNOW how that works and have been truly blessed to be able to read energies and heal others. What I achieved when I healed can happen to everyone, I have no doubts at all. All you ultimately need is to have learned the lessons you have lived and BELIEVE that it can be different. Intent really is everything. Completely let go of beliefs, blocks and people that hold you back. Let go of all that does not serve you well. I am positive if you took a step back, looked at your life as just a casual observer that you would pinpoint pretty quickly all that is not doing you well. I guess the questions then are ... will it change? am I ready to let go yet? is this truly what I want, regardless of whether it is for your highest good or not. Some questions only you can answer and to be honest, they will feel really difficult UNTIL you know yourself and can see your own light shining.
Confidence, clarity, wisdom, discernment ... what fabulous words ... when you resonate with these things you find that suddenly the decision is still difficult but you can make it confidently knowing that it is right for you and the path you are on. I honestly hope you all can find your way there, needless to say that if any of you need help with this you know where to find me. Let me be your mentor to better ways, help teach you how and what you need to know to step up and reclaim the life you want. All I really need from you to do this is the commitment to want to.