What is it you REALLY want, what I wanted more than anything in the world was to feel alive. If, like me, you have experienced the profound difficulties of being ill whilst still trying to manage in a world where you need to run a family, work, look after the household and find the energy to love, laugh and enjoy life you will completely understand what I am saying. I hated that feeling of auto-pilot and the coping mechanisms that would automatically kick in due to the internal struggle that was constant, and I mean constant. A battle in my own mind, what I wanted to do versus what I could physically do. Then there were the repercussions of this that impacted all those around me. No amount of remorse can change the way things have played out in the past, so graciously, we make our apologies where we can and try make good hoping that those that are dearest to us will find it within themselves to understand and accept that we have erred and then ultimately forgive ourselves for treating them and talking to them that way.
So, feeling alive was top of my list, to function on all levels. To wake in the morning looking forward to the day. Where you would see your children and be able to dance, play and foolishly be ridiculous with them without the consideration looming over you as to how many *spoons that is using knowing you still need to get through the rest of the day. I more than needed and completely 1000% wanted this change to happen. I was a shadow of who I felt I was destined to be and life felt for the most part, quite pointless.
Then I met a lady, she taught me about intentions and opened a world that was like an 'Alice in Wonderland' to me. Sue Green in wonderful, fantastical, evergreen, sunshiny wonderland it was! Everything she said made sense and it was at times even difficult to understand how I hadn't discovered this off my own back. Who knew that something as simple as setting your intention and believing in that beyond everything you know, beyond what you have been told your whole life and beyond everything that logically makes sense actually works. Amazing, truly wondrous it is. My world was open to limitless possibilities and it was at this point I took a fork in the road of life and opened myself to be the best version of me that I could conceivably be.